Three Lessons I Learned in Dallas, Texas

I recently traveled to Dallas, Texas for a work trip, and upon my arrival, I immediately began noticing the many characteristics of the city and how I acted there as a result. So I decided that I should share some of the lessons I learned while in this new and exciting place.

Lesson #1: Being around Southern accents can be detrimental to how others view me | I will freely admit that I have a problem (other than the sugar addiction that could easily guarantee me a spot on Dr. Phil). It’s my unfortunate habit of talking like the people around me. This isn’t something I do much since I’m around the same people every day, but it quickly became an apparent and nightmarish behavior while I spent time in Dallas.

It didn’t matter if I was speaking with the hotel concierge, a waitress at a restaurant, or the event space manager, I would slip into what my subconscious must have assumed was a lovely Southern accent. My conscious can assure you it was in no way charming.

Within moments of starting, it would soon shift into an unhinged version of Paula Deen. Honestly, the people I spoke with probably wouldn’t have been surprised if I grew white hair and donned her signature crazy eyes because of how odd my cadence was. Turns out, I should avoid southern states at all costs until I can figure out a way to get rid of this terrible habit.

Lesson #2: For every Iron Man impersonator in New York City, there is a JFK expert in Dallas | Every time I’ve gone to NYC, I’ve been harassed by people in superhero costumes. It may be the thing that children’s dreams are made of, but it’s certainly not what I leap out of bed hoping for. Instead of playing the character that they’re wearing, they tend to crowd you and demand that you pay for a picture with them. It always annoyed me, but I thought this type of behavior was confined to NYC. Unfortunately, I soon realized that Dallas has its own version of these antagonists called JFK Experts.

They tend to be old, grizzled men who saunter up to you and, in a thick Texan accent, begin mentioning random facts about the day JFK was shot. I am by no means a historian, so having facts that may or not be true spewed at me is an unpleasant experience. Additionally, nothing lets the air out of the positive balloon of your day quite like an elderly man graphically describing how the bullets entered JFK’s body.

Lesson #3: Heat is heat | I have often heard people say things like, “Oh the heat in Texas isn’t bad at all because it’s a dry heat!” I believed this until I actually went to Texas. Upon stepping out of the airport, I walked straight into a wall of oppressive heat. I could immediately feel myself sweating through the clothing I was wearing, and I desperately wished that hats with visor fans would be adopted as a fashion accessory.

From this experience, I was able to craft my opinion on “dry” heat, which is the following: heat is heat, regardless of its moisture level. A potato has never looked at an oven and said that it’ll avoid baking because it’s a dry heat. Ok, that is a terrible analogy, but you get the point. Heat, even when exceptionally dry, can wreak havoc on one’s mind, hair, and soul.

So there you have it, a whirlwind trip to Dallas that left me with some lessons that I’ll never forget. I loved the city for many of its excellent features but mainly because it has a fantastic skyline and the streets didn’t smell like urine (I’m looking at you, NYC). I doubt that I would ever move there, but I can definitely see myself visiting again. Visiting in the winter, that is.

Let me know what you think!